Funniest Craig's List Post EVER

OK, so those of you that know me, know that I've had some "issues" with the ol' tummy in the past. I think that's why I found this so damn amusing.


To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

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Reply to: pers-1007823954@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-25, 8:53PM PST

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

Location: NE Portland
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Change a Pet's Life Day

For any of you who are in the market to adopt a furry friend, this weekend would be a great time to do it.

Change a Pet's Life Day is this Saturday 1/24 at participating shelters across the US. The first ten adoptions at participating shelters are free. Check out this site to find a shelter near you.

www.feedingisbelieving.com/believe/shelter-search.do

what does one do

When you absolutely, without a doubt, are certainly sure, that a dear friend is making a huge, life-altering mistake, what do you do?

1. Voice concern but stand by their decision and make yourself available to help pick up the pieces, all the while knowing they're making a horrible decision

2. Voice your opinion loud and clear, refuse to watch them ruin their life, thereby turing your back on the situation and running the risk of losing the friendship

It's a damned if you do/damned if you don't situation, folks. We've all been there. I'm usually a #1 person but this one might call for the latter.

What type are you and how has it worked out for you in the past?

Hope everyone had a great holiday – just realized I haven’t posted forever so I’ll try to sum up all the stuff running through my head as concisely as possible.

Things I’m Looking Forward To In 2009:

Movies – I’ve only seen one so far this year, Doubt, which was very good. I haven’t yet seen, but am looking forward to seeing, Slumdog Millionaire, Valkyrie, Rachel Getting Married, Milk, Benjamin Button and many more.
TV – Gossip Girl officially kicked off on Monday. I’m addicted and I can’t help it. Such mindless fun. Katie sent me a link to NY Magazine’s Daily Intel that provides some hilarious commentary every so often on the show. Big Love and Flight of the Conchords will also be new this month, and the new season of True Blood will be coming in the spring. I heart my HBO.
Music – I’ve had satellite radio for a few years now and love it. Recently, Sirius and XM merged so I have access to more stations. One that I’m loving right now is Sirius XMU. It’s described as Indie Rock Radio, but I think it’s much more than that. Some of my latest favorites are Bloc Party, Fleet Foxes, Bon Iver, Vampire Weekend and The Black Ghosts (actually heard them first on the Twilight soundtrack…yes, another shameful addiction)
A New President – the other day I was at a friend’s house who has quite the opposite political views as me. She had a sticker on her fridge that said, “I’ll keep my guns, money and freedom. You can have your Change.” Yeah, well, I’ll take the Change, thank you very much.
Tying the Knot – is it awful that I just wish the whole thing would hurry up and get over with? Planning is a pain. But I’m looking forward to a relaxing honeymoon in Negril and the start of a new adventure with my future hubby. Whoa, that officially sounds weird.
Starting School Full-Time – August seems so far away, but I’m sure it’ll be here before I know it.
Meeting New Kiddos – so many of my gal pals have recently had or are expecting their first little ones. It’s been such a joy to see all those who are already here and I can’t wait to meet the new ones. There’s nothing cooler than seeing the actual living combination of two totally great people.

Things I’m Not Looking Forward To In 2009:

Watching my grandma age… I know it’s inevitable but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Not having an income for a year…yeah, that’s pretty much going to suck balls.
Continuing to live in our neighborhood – with real estate as bad as it is now, there’s no way we can afford to make a move, but the crime is increasing almost daily around us. Recently, 3 cars have been stolen on our street and a purse theft/stabbing with a crack pipe (really?) at the gas station a few blocks up. We’re as careful as we can be, but there’s just no way to ever be fully protected.

So all in all, the good definitely outweighs the bad. I hope all of you have much to look forward to this year as well and wish you peach, health and happiness.

thursday thoughts

Sometimes there's just nothing on TV. So we ended up landing on the WE Network's "Secret Lives of Women." Good grief. These shows are something else. So the other night's episode had a pain pill addict, an S&M/vampire, an open marriage and a woman married to a man who made her wedding dress, then decided 7 years and 2 kids later to come out of the closet, but still wanted to stay married. Wow.

All that aside, this gal married to the gay man had some crazy nails. I wish I had a picture of them - the regular nail was painted clear with white snowflake designs and the tips were blood red. Happy holidays.

So last night as I'm heading to the nail salon (my one indulgence I still allow myself, mainly b/c I know I'll have to give them up once nursing school starts) I get a text from Adam saying, "red tips and snowflakes?" Careful what you wish for, buddy.

Does anyone else ever get that feeling that the nail ladies are totally talking smack on you the whole time you're in there? I love my nail girl - she's always so sweet with her hugs and "special pricing for good customer," but I just wish for one second I understood Vietnamese so I knew her true thoughts. Here's how I think last night went:

Her: You want eyebrow wax today?
Me: Oh, I suppose I should...
Her: Vietnamese to co-worker (my translation: I would say so, sweetie! Those things are about to grow off your face!)

Her: You look pretty girl, you lose weight?
Me: Thank you, just a few pounds, you know, trying to get ready for the wedding...
Her: Vietnamese to co-worker (my translation: You'd better drop some pounds if you plan to squeeze into a dress, fatty!)

Her: You want design on nail today?
Me: Actually, I think I do...how are you with snowflakes?
Her: Don't know snow-frake
Her: Vietnamese to co-worker (my translation: Who does she think I am? Picasso? Flowers or butterflies, pick one silly American!)
Me: Never mind

on another heavier note

You might remember a post I did back in August about a co-worker of mine who lost her husband.
Last night, her mother was killed in an automobile accident.
Please add Lexi and her daughter, Georgia, as well as the rest of their family to your thoughts and prayers. Lord knows they need them now more than ever.

fruits & veggies

OK, well not really veggies...but fruits anyway!
If you're like me, you probably don't always get your daily intake of fruit as recommended by the USDA. Well, this weekend at Costco I found a new way to get mine. Brothers-All-Natural Fruit Crips are apparently all the rage with moms looking for healthy snacks for their kids. But I'm all about them for myself. The combo pack I bought has apple and pear crisps but their website says they come in all sorts of varieties.

And the best part - one bag equals 1/2 cup of dried fruit, which the USDA recognizes as the equivalent to 1 cup of fresh fruit. Depending on your age and gender, that might just equal your daily dose.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my latest find - enjoy!